When Life Gets in the Way of Itself

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It’s incredibly hard to believe that I haven’t posted anything here for almost two months. That was definitely never intentional, nor do I plan to let that happen again. But, as I’ve come to experience all too recently in the last few months, life tends to get in its own way, and I’d look pretty silly making any promises at this point.

Part of me wanted to finally share what was going on within my professional/personal realm, and the other part of me perhaps has a little OCD issue and can’t stand the thought of one month of my blog archives completely devoid of a single post. So today, on the last day of April, my last chance to rectify that, I’m sitting down to share what’s been happening with me. And because my personal life and my business life are so closely tied, this also means I’m sharing what’s been happening with KLH CreateWorks as well.

Just this last Valentine’s Day, my husband and I found out that we’re pregnant, thus embarking on the crazy journey of gearing up to have our first kid. It wasn’t truly a surprise, nor were we ‘trying’ – we’d had the conversation and made the decision to finally let things ‘work out as they will’, and we’d thought nothing of it. Needless to say, we were absolutely delighted to find out, still are, and can’t wait for this little nugget of life to get here and join us in October.

Coincidentally, when I found out the good news, I’d just spent six weeks recovering from some fairly intense surgery on my foot. Six weeks on the couch in my office, unable to walk. Six weeks of a viable excuse to do nothing but get lots of work done on my laptop. And, as luck would have it, the first six weeks of my pregnancy’s first trimester. I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why I still felt so awful after the surgery. Surprise!

So then followed the gobs of first trimester symptoms, with which I won’t bore you or bog you down here. The point is that I struggled a lot with balancing my work and my personal life. I still have some rough days, but when the smell of my office made me nauseous and just looking at the computer screen for a few seconds brought on a migraine, things got a little difficult . And while I had (and still have) the mental excuse of ‘these things are normal. I’m pregnant. I need to go easy on myself and just go with the flow,’ a little nugget in the back of my head kept telling me I should be able to ignore all the physical symptoms that knock me out of my normal routine because this is what I do. I write. I edit. I work. I interact. Shouldn’t that come first and foremost before some seemingly endless, pregnancy-induced, flu-like purgatory in which I’d found myself?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m so excited so be bringing a new baby Hutson into the world soon. I can’t believe we’re already almost halfway there. But parts of being pregnant are hard. Parts of life in general are hard.

I had to slow down the insane volume of work I’d been accepting simply so I could remain in integrity with keeping my editing deadlines and remaining available to my clients on a regular basis. I had to reschedule my days with the understanding that my self-care and personal needs had to come first now if I wanted to be able to get anything done. And I had to give myself a break for not being up to the task of maintaining what had been my extraordinarily busy and remarkably productive work week.

No, nobody’s going to tell a pregnant woman to ‘just step up to the plate and do it already!’ Or, fortunately, nobody’s said that to me. But it doesn’t mean I haven’t thought it to myself. Some people tell me that things will get easier once the hormonal causes of ‘baby brain’ die down after the silly kid gets here, while others tell me that it never goes away and I’m just going to have to get used to it. Every day, I’m getting a little better at being okay with that. I forge on.

I’m still working on client manuscripts, three of which have been published since my last post and which I’ll be sharing here hopefully next week. I finally managed to finish the final revision draft of ‘Mother of the Drackan’, ‘Daughter of the Drackan’s’ sequel, which will be out and available the last week of May. And, today, I’ve managed to find the time both to write this blog post here (which I hope to continue to do more frequently now that I’m riding the glorious (in comparison) waves of the second trimester) and to pop off right after this to, after months of feeling guilty about it, work on my own WiP, which is so close to being finished I can taste it in the air.

 And the biggest reason I wanted to share this today is because everyone has life stuff that gets in the way of their other life stuff. I’m fortunate enough to be able to do what I love for a living, to make my own schedule and be my own boss every day, but it’s not without its own ups and downs. Even those of us who seem like we have it all together and made get derailed sometimes, even by joyous surprises like new babies. Even if you think you’ve got your life down perfectly and are in control of the whole shebang, life has other plans sometimes. And that’s not a bad thing. That doesn’t mean you have to beat yourself up over it. Whether you’re a business owner, an editor, a writer, a parent, a student, a whatever-you-love-being, life is unpredictable and can change in a split second. There’s no point in beating yourself up over an inability to control the way the winds are blowing. Taking a break from a soul-project doesn’t mean you’ve given up. Not writing a blog post for almost two months doesn’t mean your business has failed. Giving yourself a break and a rest and a little bit of love, even amidst all the chaos, doesn’t mean you’ve stopped being incredible. Don’t forget that.

So now, I’m off to give life some space to get back out of its own way again.

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